Wow! this week was so great! I failed at going to the gym other than for class, but I lost 2 lbs I THINK. I was 173.6 at my lowest, and am 174.6 today, a week from weigh in last week. Minor victory is that I haven't seen 180 on the scale at all (even in sweatshirts and shoes!)

I'm feeling really proud of myself, despite the fact that I'm honestly missing my goals every single week, the most important thing I'm learning is consistency. I am making these classes and loving them! and just that amount of activity is good for me!

as a family we are making a conscious effort to move towards activity too! we aren't too thrilled iwth the cold weather, but we invested in a bike trailer/jogger that we tried out early in the week and we will hopefully pull out again. snow maybe in the next few days, which is totally uncool.

I've been on and off trying to lose weight for years and of course I learned about alL I could on the matter. I started off knowing that I'd never get pregnant if I didn't drop the weight, and that was a huge motivating factor. I went from 210lbs to around 170 when I finally got pregnant with Landon. I gained 27 lbs and lost it after I had him but then didn't feel motivated to continue because I was caring for an infant. Around a year after I had Landon I decided to do something about it, and started doing Weight Watchers again... only to find out I was pregnant with Oliver. each pregnancy has been riddled with complications. Gestational Diabetes early-onset, strict diet and lots of care, only to find that I developed pre-eclampsia and had Landon 4 weeks early. Oliver the same thing, only this time the blood pressure issues were earlier on and I ended up in the hospital for almost a month while we let him grow and we kept my blood pressure in check. I developed HELLP syndrome with Oliver, an even more rare and more complicated issue and he was 5 weeks early. Both boys were healthy weights, but this time I didn't gain half the weight I did with Landon and ended up thinner than when I started out. I hit 168 about a month PP thanks to the stomach flu, but quickly gained that back and more when re-introducing carbs back into my diet. I wish only that I had kept it in check, but I let myself balloon back to 187 because I felt that i deserved carbs and could eat what I wanted.
How wrong I was. I could be practically at my goal weight now if I'd just listend to myself and not my stomach.

Now I've been focusing on writing everything I eat down. I carefully add 200-300 calories to my recommended diet because Oliver still nurses pretty frequently. I sucked up all my fears about being "the fat girl" and joined a gym, only to find that I'm not nearly the only fat girl in attendance. I've learned to get over my fear of being laughed at in class and have started going to water aerobics twice a week. I've decided to try to run, and although I can't seem to get past week 3 of C25k I feel more confident in my abilities than every before. it's almost secondary, this weight loss thing, it's not the most important thing this time around. This time I want nothing more than to be a fit, healthy and active person.

Pregnancy, again, is my motivating factor. the thought that perhaps if I'm at a normal weight and not obese or overweight than my body might not be diabetic this time around, and I might not have blood pressure issues. I want to be able to keep up with my children. I want to be able to run after them and think it's fun and not work. I want to be happier and healthier and this is how I'm doing it. I know that it's a lot of work! I know that I'm working towards a healthier family with every calorie I burn, with every time I step on the scale and it's less, with every choice I make with my meals... I'm working HARD and I have such confidence in my abilities, I'm surprising myself. it shouldn't be huge surprise, I know I'm a dedicated person -- I managed to survive severe diabetes in pregnancy without needing to go on insulin (except after steroids but that doesn't count!). I know how nutritional labels work, I'm educated and smart. I. CAN. DO. THIS.

and that makes me proudest of all.