Internet world, I think I'm broken! I'm so emotional this week! I have no idea what's going on at all with my brain but it is obviously broken with the mental state I've been in all week.

I'm sure I lost (tomorrow morning will tell!) but I know that I saw a lower number than tomorrow morning will show and that might be where some of the emotions have come.

Projected weight loss seems to be 150 lbs by June. that will be pretty interesting to see. It means I am doing fantastic, so I'm not really surprised I'm not beating myself up about eating more than half a bag of Cadbury mini-eggs AND a cheeseburger WITH fries.

on the flip side this week has been a wreck. I was so busy outside and we were active and happy, but boy did hanging outside sure tire us out!

Tonight I happened to watch Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution. It made me cry, blogosphere. I don't know exactly why either. My family doesn't eat a table-full worth of processed food each week, but that's not always been the case. The people in this town are certainly looking like a bunch of know-nothings, and I think that's probably not true either. I think it's been crammed down our throats for years that we SHOULD eat healthy food! but we are lazy, and processed packaged products are so much easier to just toss in the oven and eat. I know when I'm lazy and out and hungry I'm hard-pressed to find an option that doesn't mean hauling the kids into someplace. What I mean to say is that there aren't very many satisfying healthy fast food choices. THey are there! I know my current favorite is Mcdonald's Southwestern Salad as well as their parfait. But what if you don't want a salad?
anyways, I'm getting ahead of myself. I am really upset about how my family, as a family, doesn't eat well. Landon is an extremely picky eater and I swore I wouldn't be the mom who made seperate meals, and for the most part I'm not, but today Mike and I had glorious salads with such delicious mouthwatering toppings you would be jealous. Landon had a corndog. He did eat an entire cantaloupe, but guess what he had for dinner? another corndog. where are the veggies? where re the good healthy balanced meals I worked so hard on his first 2 years of life? since when did CORN DOGS become an acceptable meal for him and why don't I care?

in this show today, the mother was asked to make a week's worth of meals for her family all at the same time. she made donuts, bacon, eggs, pancakes, pizza, corndogs , french fries and chicken nuggets. HOLY SHIT AMERICA. my family, even Landon, doesn't eat like that. I'm beating myself up, but other than the clear anti-veggie strike he has going on (which he does get from other sources, like spaghetti sauce), he does eat fairly balanced meals. he eats bananas at breakfast, yogurt, string cheese and PBJ for lunch on wheat bread, he eats grilled chicken, spaghetti, brown rice... But tonight was just a punch to the stomach because TODAY he ate like crap. I can see how this happens because we don't even have a dining room table. did you know that? we don't have a place for it in our house. Oliver eats in the high chair, Landon has a picnic table and Mike and I huddle over the coffee table while sitting on the couch.

I'm rambling because I should be in bed. that's where I'll go after one more thing.

This week my focus will be on our overall health as a family. I can't magic a place for a table, but I can make sure that Landon has healthy food on his plate at all times. I always feed him what we are feeding but ultimately end up making something slightly different for him. I'm never paranoid he's not getting enough or that he's hungry, but I do cater a bit more than I should. Ollie eats what we eat because he doesn't have an opinion yet. my kids are fantastic and I certainly don't want to kill them!

I'm really proud that they see me exercising and making choices, but they aren't old enough to make informed decisions about their bodies yet so I need to be firmer about making them.

I wish we had Tivo so I wouldn't forget about this Food Revolution on Friday. chances are I won't be able to forget because of the damned commercials on prime time, but mostly because it hit me hard and I won't stop thinking about how I just was blown away by everyone's resistance to change.