Well I'm feeling like a complete and utter failure. I'm just failing left and right. I didn't go to the gym yesterday because Oliver didn't feel well, and I'm wondering if we will go tonight because I'm meeting up with a friend later in the afternoon. I think if we go to McDonald's to let the boys play it will be alright, we can swing over to the gym on the way home. I will pack a bag just in case.

I've been doing a food diary at sparkpeople.com and it's helpful, but I know I have been over my calories each day.

I weighed myself this morning at 182. that's up 3 lbs from last week? I don't know, I'm so frustrated about it. I'm at a loss how to convince myself not to snack all day long, and even if it's 100 calories here and there it adds up.

I remember that the first 2 weeks of a food change is always the hardest, but for the life of me I can't even stick to something for a few days. I had some immediate results last week and that was a great reinforcement, but right now it seems that it's working in reverse and I'm feeling awfully frustrated. Yesterday I felt slightly discouraged but today I feel downright pessimistic.

How do you kick start a life style change? I feel like I have the motivation (pregnancy asap) but I'm lacking the positive results.

I know that if I crash diet this won't work, I need to make sure tht I'm dedicated and in it for the long haul.

so, do I suck it up and pay for Weight Watchers? do I just eat frozen meals and salads? do I follow some crazy fad for two weeks to kick start this thing? I just don't know. I'm flailing.